Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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