Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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