I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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