3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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