haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
