I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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