38 yer olds are good kisserssss
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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