i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
