I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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