so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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