what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
