i barfeds in our rink
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
