There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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