U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
