good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
