I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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