I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
