How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
