I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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