so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
