I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
