Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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