Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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