remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
