Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
