Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
