did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
