So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
