i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
