my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
