I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
