Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
