we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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