I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
