she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
