Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
