Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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