we made out on top of his cat.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
