She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
