You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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