If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
