the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
