Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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