whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
