youre lurking in front of me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
