I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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