some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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