so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
