i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
