Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
