my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
