I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
