I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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