I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
