I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
