can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
