y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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