I just threw up on my dentist
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
