dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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